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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

This Lady's Not for Burning!

NEWS FLASH: The undecider has undecided his being undecided about the debate and will debate tonight. Well, I'll be in class until 10:00 p.m. - learning about witchcraft and pornography and that kind of stuff, of course - but no crystal balls are allowed (think about it), so I won't be able to watch. It's too bad, too. Have fun.
Hey, witch-hunters and purity police - burn this!

In the late 1990s I was reading about a drive by newly-converted African Christians coming to America to "convert" whites who were not sufficiently Christian, because we largely don't believe in spirts, demons, angels, and fairies but instead put our trust in godless intellectualism. I kid you not. Unfortunately it's still a story largely overlooked by the media.

One of these tinfoil-hat The-End-Is-Near "bishops," Thomas Muthee, blessed Sarah Palin's candidacy for governor and invoked protection against "witchcraft" in front of a congregation full of allegedly sentient beings. (Video and story at link.)

The church where Palin was "saved" is one of the most extreme in the nation. Palin herself tried to get a book by a (relatively) moderate pastor in a nearby town banned. (Real advocates for "teach the 'controversy'" aren't they?) She has fond memories of Thomas Muthee, not of Rev. Howard Bess.

Transcript of part of this lunatic's "blessing" of Palin:

Number three, or number four [NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!], it’s the area of education. We need believers who are educationists. [And "I'm the educationaler"...nice one.] If we had them, today we would not be talking about the Ten Commandments being kicked out of the church, I mean out of our schools. [You know, that's a pretty bad slip.] They would still be there. One of the things that you, you know, I would love you to know, I’m a child of revival of the Seventies, and that revival swept through the schools. They are open to preaching, you know, open. Open. Wide open. You go to any school, there is what we call Christian Union. Christian Union is nothing more but a bunch of kids that are born again, spirit-filled, tongue-talking, devil-casting. Is anybody hearing me? All over the country! Is anybody hearing me?

We need God taking over our education system! Otherwise, we, if we have God in our schools, we will not have kids being taught, you know, how to worship Buddha, how to worship Mohammed, we will not have in the curriculum witchcraft and sorcery. Is anybody hearing me? [emphasis mine]
Hey, Thomas Muthee - fuck you. Don't attempt speak for this nation or its educational system. Of course you have no flipping idea that Wiccans (and Muslims, and Buddhists, and atheists) are protected under the First Amendment - since when have you been in the thinking business?
Thomas Muthee, you're a murderer. You achieved your political power by accusing helpless people of "witchcraft." As a result of your fear-mongering eleven elderly people were accused as "witches" and burned to death by your frenzied, superstitious followers.

Plus you drove another woman out of town on fear on stoning, and you still brag about it! Get the hell out of my country and take your ignoramus "missionaries" with you!

Oh, sorry, I was also speaking to Sarah Palin. Hey, foreign policy/energy expert - can you see Russia from where you stand? Well, I can see the stars at night, so I guess that makes me an expert on the universe. So get out and find a cosmos you like better, and let those of us who care about what the Constitution actually says have our country back.
Dear John - I'll say it again: you should have chosen Elizabeth Dole.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Raymond Queneau News of the Day Segment - Inaugural

Reported this day, Wednesday, September 24, 2008:

Look, let’s just cut through the brass tacks and get down to red tape, shallweeee? (If I mention this guy’s name once more, people are going to think I’m raising his secret hate child.)

Give it to me straight. Will the economy improve if we stick our money into all these “fungible commodities” I’ve heard so much about, and if so where do I do that? Nasdaq, Dow, or Pillsbury? Is fudge a commodity, and if so, is trading in it fungible or fudgeable (or possibly both)? And what about fungi?

If we “flag the molecules” the way we did with those Kuwaiti oil tankers, how long is it before we start doing it for quarks (being that Palin’s electrons apparently don’t stay in their orbitals), and is this woman charmed or just strange?

And how can we know where the oil and coal are going anyway if the electrons in the atoms that comprise it are either 1) everywhere at once, or 2) only there (i.e., in the U.S.) when we observe them (e.g. in the U.S.)?

The conclusion is inescapable: we must build more colliders in the United States to observe petroleum molecules! They’re larger than subatomic particles, and so easier to “see,” and besides, McCain (inventor of the dingleberry) will love that.

And incidentally, Palin opened her mouth and five days later the Large Hadron Collider went offline until spring. Coincidence? Obviously she went back to work too early; she should be there, being a mother to Schroedinger’s cat (litter, and litter – is that weird? I just noticed) instead of shaking her pom-poms because a body kissed a body coming thro’ the rye. (Yes, another working uterus, who would have thought it possible. If there’s one thing this world doesn’t see often, it’s women getting preggers! “Life happens,” now isn’t that a blessing? When men get pregnant, and it’s not Tom Cruise, I’ll put down my latte. Until then, I have a paper to write. Oh, and the word “precious” signals the start of a drinking game. Just so you know.)

Just don’t get me started on Joe Biden.

(Nice one, Joe. I see where the misnomer “Joe Blow” should have came from, just not how it was never invented for you, and I see why they didn’t add the suffix “hard,” since you do it so effortlessly.)

Or how much I shamefacedly admire this dastardly female criminal – and how much I hope, for the sake of poetic justice, that she also works at Galactic Pizza. Because that would rock.

The debates are off, the gloves are on! Nay, you say?

Well, the advantage of being a man running with a woman is that he can always change her mind. Right?

Well anyway, according to the WSJ (the Farmer’s Almanac for snarky people), what happened is that Eliot Spitzer turned wonks into rats fleeing the ship where they, like Cassandra, then turned into hedge fund traders, but did anyone listen to them? No! Who got blamed?

And so we're back to where we started. Silly Ben. In fact, that should be a TV show. (No! No! Bad idea, bad idea!)

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