It's the Stupid Bullshit

Well, the speechifying is over. Our nation is wrong, and the wrong is getting stronger. Today we lost a great American, Coretta Scott King, and she was used as a prop in a shameful display of unreality and lies by the President, himself a mere prop for activist fundamentalist business owners. Alternative energy, teaching science, warm-fuzzy math, yadda yadda, he still wants creationism in the schools, and by the way, he knew that we'd forget about those hydrogen cars that he promised in another speech. (Probably a good thing, too.) Of those in this nation who inexplicably think that this nitwit George Bush is doing a good job, I hope that the government bugs their houses "so that we know about it, because we don't want to sit back and get hit again." No, we sure don't.

Make the tax cuts permanent? Is he out of his fucking mind?

George Bush has many masks, and he shows each of them to a different audience. Tonight he practically changed masks in mid-sentence. I could not help but notice that the masks of George Bush rather correspond to the world’s different religions and philosophies, but there is one common threat running through all of his disguises: his bullshit.

Taoist Bush: Bullshit happens. (See also Taoist Rumsfeld.)
Confucianist Bush: Confucius deny that bullshit happens.
Buddhist Bush: If bullshit happens, it isn’t really bullshit. (See also Confucianist Bush)

Zen Bush: What is the sense of bullshit not happening?
Muslim Bush: If bullshit happens, September 11th. They hate our bullsh—I mean, our freedom.
Tongue-Speaking Bush: If bullshit happens, fund Israel and aouiosfson sidfopds sdufiodps! Amen!

Catholic Bush: If bullshit happens, it’s to protect you.
Peace Process Bush: If bullshit happens, it’s to protect Israel.
Fundamentalist Bush: If bullshit happens, it’s to protect Jesus.

Fundraiser Bush: If bullshit happens, it’s to protect me.
Protestant Bush: Let my bullshit spread freedom across the world!
Intellectual Bush: Aouiosfson sidfopds sdufiodps. (See also Alan Keyes) Amen.

Born-Again Bush: God put me on this earth to bullshit. As President.
Creationist Bush: The jury is out on Darwin’s bullshit.
“Education President” Bush: Science is bullshit. Teach the idiocy.

Moonie Bush: Ya’ll wouldn’t believe the bullshit I pulled as a cheerleader. And one time when I was a pilot, and drunk as a skunk, I even mooned my Commanding Offic—oh! You mean, Moonie! Like the Moonies! Oh, yeah, it’s a religion. Um—

Hare Krishna Bush: Bullshit happens, like this darn tambourine hittin’ my crotch. Rama, Rama—what the hell’s a Rama?
Environmental Bush: Global Warming is bullshit.
AWOL Bush: Showin’ up is bullshit.

Rastafarian Bush: Let’s smoke this bullshit Constitution.
Impeached Bush: Well, shoot now—that’ll never happen! :)