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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Amazing Criswell Predicts!

Does anybody remember Plan Nine from Outer Space? That hilarious cult film by Ed Wood which tries so hard to scare its audience, but collapses under its own unintentional hilarity and absurdity? Well, that's precisely what I think about creationists - trying so hard to be someone they're not, trying to look like scientists and making fools of themselves, inspiring laughter (of the wrong kind), yet enabled by breathless, credulous reporters and cable news show talking heads employed by a mass media market that itself is increasingly clueless and oafish in this era of blogs and YouTube.

Plan Nine from Outer Space had as its special guest star the Amazing Criswell, a radio announcer who delivers these gems of wisdom at the beginning of the film:

Greetings, my friend. We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future.

Man, that's deep! But deeper still is Dembski's crystal balls - I mean, his courageous call for scientific predictions of intelligent design theory!

My friends...

Can your heart stand...

the shocking facts...


quote-miners from outer space?

(Shimmies to Afarensis)

In the meantime, here are my perfectly hum-drum predictions for intelligent design theory and beyond:

1. "Darwinism" predicts that intelligent design will be put out to pasture and that the upcoming gaggle of (truly young instead of faux-young) creationists will continue to start from scratch and cite only contemporary "Darwinists" and each other for their crackpot ideas, just as this group at UD does, with little or no citation of Gish, Henry Morris, Muncaster, Buckna, John Klotz, and all the other "dignitaries" of creationism that few people remember because they make no lasting contribution.

2. The names above will only be remembered by the "Darwinists" in their books and papers for the same reason. (Who remembers Immanuel Velikovsky today?)

3. Creationism will continue to contribute zippity-doo-dah to science.

4. Future creationists will blame "global warming denial" on "Darwinists," just as they do today with eugenics.

The Great Criswell has spoken. Who was that veiled man? Where?

What color is his/her underwear?

UPDATED: If you want to see refrigerator repairmen (they're always men, creationism is a good old boys club) pretending to be scientists, follow this link.

"[Richard] Owen says my book will be forgotten in ten years." -Darwin to J. D. Hooker, 1860.

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Blogger Rev. Barking Nonsequitur said...

Careful kristine, or the Lord will send his race of atomic superman to take over your world!

January 16, 2008 12:21 PM  
Blogger Cat's Staff said...

P9fOS - Best Worst Movie Ever Made.

January 16, 2008 12:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

P9fOS-so much of a golden turkey so as to be outrageously funny.

January 16, 2008 12:37 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

I think The Whip and the Body was the worst film ever. At least P9fOS was funny.

January 16, 2008 12:51 PM  

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