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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

Friday, June 08, 2007

How to Get Away with Murder

Preacher's wife gets less than one year for killing her husband.


This is one of those cases that you think about as you lie awake at night.

I don't know if she was abused or not. He's not here to tell us. But I wonder why, as he lay dying and asking her, "Why?" she merely said, "I'm sorry," then took her kids to the beach.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...


Wouldn't you kill anybody who wanted you to wear a wig and platform shoes?

Better still, when you are about to be found out as a thief - you really have to draw a firm line on the kinky sex with your husband - who will be mad at you for being a thief. Don't seduce the guy with a wig and platform shoes and make him feel as though he has to atone for his sins...

Just kill him.

Make perfect sense to me. God acted through her hand and sent that evil kinkster to Hades.

That's one down - now, if Ken "Smithfield" Ham just needs a new wife....I'd give quite the steak knife set to the newlyweds.


June 09, 2007 1:57 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Wouldn't you kill anybody who wanted you to wear a wig and platform shoes?

Other than Prince Charming, no one since high school has ever asked me to cover up my hair, wear platform shoes, change my face, or lose weight. So I can't relate.

But if the guy refused to wear the wig and fishnets if I told him to...

And I hope one of the animatronic dinos at that creationist sideshow finds out what his teeth were "designed" for. But seriously, you don't want to hurt Ken Ham. There's a lot of humiliation and bankruptcy in store for him...and you don't want him to miss that, do you?

"Better a live dog than a dead lion" - and the doghouse is for the dog. ;-)

June 09, 2007 3:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a certain benefit to be had in the finality of a Christian wife doing God's work.

She already knows the ropes - she can manipulate judges and prosecutors - and Ken "Smithfield" Ham would take a nice glaze - you know, pour some Cocola (as them there suthners say Coke) over him and bake at 375 for quite some time.

Sort of a Christian version of The Cook the Thief His Wife & Her Lover....

Of course, Mr. Behe (he, he he!) or a slew of DI guys all need a wife with this skill-set.


June 09, 2007 6:54 PM  
Blogger Rev. Barky said...

ok - so he was shot in the back while he slept, there was no proof of any abuse and she fled the scene and crossed state lines. And she was a sucker for a 419 scam - which usually work because the mark is greedy for promised wealth.

So can anyone stack up the charges here? She could be tried for multiple
crimes it seems - perhaps this is not the end of this.

Do you think the jury gave her pity because she was a preachers wife and acted all religious-like?

June 09, 2007 8:09 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Ken "Smithfield" Ham would take a nice glaze

GRO, you're starting to wig me out. "The crook, her priest, his life, her cover?" How about that for the title of the...

perhaps this is not the end of this. Do you think the jury gave her pity because she was a preachers wife and acted all religious-like?

...MADE FOR TV MELODRAMA that is sure to hit the airwaves like graffiti on a wall?

They let her off because she's a woman, number one. But yes, number two because she acted all churchy. In contrast, you can just imagine the overwhelming sympathy that exists out there for Madalyn Murray O'Hair, her son and granddaughter, who were murdered by an ex-con in O'Hair's employ. The police didn't investigate their disappearance. Oh yes, churchy people celebrated her death. I know this.

Double standard.

June 09, 2007 11:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In my own opinion, shooting a preacher should not be counted as murder. There should be an open season on those vermin. Bounty should be paid for their scalps.

June 10, 2007 9:54 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Aw, come on. I feel sorry for the guy. I don't feel sorry for her. I think she's a sicko.

Don't separate her from the children! Oh, no, let her get her hooks in them good. Wonderful. Just great.

I mean, you wouldn't be in favor of this now, right? (How do people come up with these notions? And who are they? Because I sure don't think it's American Atheists coming up with this crap.)

June 10, 2007 10:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kill them all!!! Let God, if he/she/it exists, sort them out.

June 10, 2007 10:57 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

No, no, no. Vengeance is mine.

*Leafs through piles of discarded vengeance ideas*

I'll sleep on it. :)

June 10, 2007 11:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not vengeance we are talking about here; it's justice.

June 10, 2007 11:28 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Why don't we just have them field my ongoing fan mail from JAD?

Cruel and unusual punishment.

June 11, 2007 11:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm agin killin' - but if the Christians have to have wives who are subservient to their husbands in platform shoes and dark wigs - and can shoot the kinkster to death for bad taste in kink.....

Well, I'm for setting up the dating service for these women - ministers (lay or otherwise) need only apply.

Consider this a modern-day Klytaemnestra sorority - and we will all benefit. Imagine what Ted Haggard would have faced once he returned home - I shudder to think of the righteous wrath wrought. Ho DO you turn a meth-addicted-gay-prostitute-abusing fundamentalist into a pillar of salt, anyway?

GRO (still too lazy to open a Blogger acct)

June 11, 2007 1:03 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Oh, I think the whole wig-n-clog story is about as real as Scott Peterson's claim that Satanists killed his wife.

But enough about Ken "It's-impossible-to-know-what-happened-in-the-past-ever" Ham.

Starting a business, eh? Good for you. Forget about finding the men, just put up a webpage saying "Abused women just aren't submissive enough" and count the hits. *shudder* But how are you going to recruit these women?

June 11, 2007 5:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, we could start with FTK....

You know, introduce her to Mary Winkler - let the two of them bond over the HBO series "Big Love" and send them out on a mission from god (sans Belushi) to seek out the lower quarters where these ragged people dwell.

Assuming that the two don't pull a Thelma & Louise - the results might prove exponentially successful in the Springfield, Missouri's of the country.

In Springfield, the home of the Assemblies of God and John Ashcroft, there is much joy and delight to be had by throwing rocks into crowds and trying not to hit: (1) a preacher, (2) a lay preacher, (3) A Baptist Bible College preacher-in-training, (4) A Central Bible College preacher-in-training, (5) An Evangel College preacher-in-training, (6) An Assemblies of God Bible College preacher-in-training, (7) any non-lay member of the Springfield-Cape Girardeau archdiocese.

There are many, many such places throughout the US and the Angry-Christian-Wives (gun?) club would flourish. I'd invest in funeral homes with bullet-proof podiums so that the deceased ministers can be prayed off before the next one bites the dust.


June 11, 2007 6:10 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Um. You're on your own I think.

This thread's making me uncomfortable.

June 11, 2007 6:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry - just kidding.

How to get away with murder as a topic brings out hyperbole.


June 11, 2007 7:16 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Don't blame the topic or my post. You are responsible for what you write. I kid around too but this is approaching inappropriate.

I considered taking this post down. You guys behave yourselves at my place from now on.

June 11, 2007 7:42 PM  
Blogger Rev. Barky said...

Hey, who played against each other and won in the Hyperbole this year?

June 12, 2007 9:01 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Do you mean moi? ;-)

Look, I just don't want to pick on Ftk when she's not here to defend herself, or joke any more about killing people, okay? It doesn't sit well with me.

I'm trying to have meaningful discussions here.

June 12, 2007 9:14 AM  

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