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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.



Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Answers in Genesis Porn

Oh my shimmies, I just took a gander at the Answers in Genesis pew-reviewed journal. Ohhhh, dear me. I think I said something earlier about unintentional humor from sincere but pretentious dorks?

By all means, check out the abstract from “Catastrophic Granite Formation: Rapid Melting of Source Rocks, and Rapid Magma Intrusion and Cooling.” For more than one reason, it’s hot stuff:

“Rapid segregation, ascent, and emplacement now understood to only take days via dikes would have been aided by the tectonic ‘squeezing’ and ‘pumping’ during the catastrophic plate tectonics driving the global Genesis Flood cataclysm.”

Bwahaha – “squeezing” and “pumping,” eh? Translation: In other words, in a consummation that lasted for days (like that of some rodents), the earth thrust and ejaculated a cosmic “flood” of sacred magma after having received the, er, sacred shower.

*Leans forhead into hand*

Oh, the unintentional porn written by repressed prudes!

UPDATED: Bing from Happy Jihad's House of Pancakes stopped by to remind everyone about the Answers in Genesis Contest! Why do real science when you can make up your own? Why follow sound methodology when you can just pull nonsense out of your ass and pretend to be a real scientist? Go on over to Happy Jihad's House of Pancakes and read the writers' guidelines for Answers in Genesis, and submit your own crap!

Think how happy the folks at AiG will be, to see that they're not alone in do-it-yourself crackpottery! Imagine their joy at seeing heaps of submissions that sound sciency and use a lot of big words. We're stickin' it to the man, brother! Take that, National Academy of Sciences! Then the good folks at Answers in Genesis can sit back, turn on the Home Shopping Network, enjoy a homemade heaping of Lime Jello Marshmallow Cottage Cheese Surprise, and wash it all down with a nice hot cup of Now-Shut-the-Hell-Up.

(Face it, that's precisely how William Dembski's "Overwhelming Evidence" website has lasted as long as it has. And now that the evolutionary trolls have been kicked out, it looks like that playground is going to collapse soon. Oh well - another evolutionary dead end for the anti-evolutionary Dr. Dembski. You'd think he'd figure it out...)

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16 Comments:

Blogger Spirula said...

Don't forget the ascent, and emplacement.

I'm not even going into why that quote is one shitty sentence.

January 16, 2008 1:43 PM  
Blogger Mister DNA said...

Maybe that article was ghost written by Flo & Eddie.

"Manuel, the gardener, placed his mutated member..."

Then again, I'm beginning to think the whole Journal was written by Alan Sokal.

My favorite: "Mutations in the ebg system are clearly not an example of evolution but mutation and natural selection allowing for adaptation to the environment."

January 16, 2008 2:16 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

But Spirula. They used big words! It all sounds so sciency! What else could anyone ask for?

Notice: Edited by Georgia Purdom and Joseph W. Francis

Here’s a, er, peer review of Georgia Purdom.

Dr. DNA, no one can make this up. Not even me! ;-)

January 16, 2008 3:12 PM  
Blogger Mister DNA said...

Thanks for the link to that Reason article, Kristine; I read their blog on a daily basis. Any thread dealing with ID/Creationism tends to be great entertainment. Atheist social liberals and tin-foil hat right wingers can create a volatile mix...

That article was one for the archive, though. With a YEC, Philip Johnson and Dr. Dr. Dembski himself, it's like one of those Godzilla movies where ALL the monsters make a cameo... good stuff.

January 16, 2008 3:51 PM  
Blogger David said...

Not to mention that dikes are mentioned! Dikes! Think of the children.

January 16, 2008 4:16 PM  
Blogger Joshua said...

Don't forget the dikes! God hates fags, but apparently he has a team of lesbians to help him with launch his magma floods.

January 16, 2008 4:34 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

it's like one of those Godzilla movies where ALL the monsters make a cameo... good stuff.

Oh, that means we've still got to wait for one more monster to show. You have seen this Godzilla movie, right?

Dikes! Think of the children.

I can't wait to see all these kids, who are being taught that Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs, ask how dinosaurs made baby dinosaurs before The Fall.

Speaking of teh Fall, this joke by Bob O'H is the funniest comment I've seen in a while - and this week's comments have been pure gold!

January 16, 2008 4:34 PM  
Blogger Spirula said...

ask how dinosaurs made baby dinosaurs before The Fall

Or explain this

http://edictsofnancy.blogspot.com/2008/01/sister-nancy-beth-takes-link-dump.html

Clearly dino-abstinence programs didn't work.

January 16, 2008 4:39 PM  
Blogger Bing said...

I am sponsoring an Answers in Genesis contest. The first one who submits a crank essay to AiG that gets published will win...huge amazing things! Or a gift certificate and possibly a hundred bucks. If you want to enter, check out:

http://hjhop.blogspot.com/2008/01/happy-fatwah-on-answers-in-genesis.html

Thanks a bil!

HJ

I never get tired of reading their articles. Heehee.

January 16, 2008 7:56 PM  
Blogger Bing said...

Heck, the addy didn't come up. So let's try it again.

There is a link to the contest just under my profile on my blog:

hjhop.blogspot.com

I apologize for the double post. I am truly a worm.

HJ

January 16, 2008 7:57 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

If you're a worm, I am the earth-mother. Welcome!

I heard about this contest at Pharyngula, and mentioned it at After the Bar Closes. I had an idea to try and submit a parody piece after reading about Baraminology. (I love how, even after they apply their flawed methodology, they keep arriving at the common descent of us and apes, and then say, "Well, it doesn't right now, but someday the evidence will prove the Bible!" Please.)

I'm happy to post an announcement about your contest here.

January 16, 2008 10:08 PM  
Anonymous Janine said...

I am the earth-mother. Welcome!

Greetings, Gaia!

January 18, 2008 12:12 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Heh. I'm about as maternal as a stone.

I'd make a better dad, really. :-)

January 18, 2008 8:45 AM  
Blogger Gary said...

Yo Kristine -

I been dropping your name, blog and newly coined word "awesomedumber" all over the place. Well the ones that count anyway, like ATBC, ERV, Respectful Insolence, & Pharyngula.

I think this should get you on The Colbert Report. Good Luck!

J-Dog

January 22, 2008 1:51 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Aww, J-Dog, that's so nice of you! Your timing is impeccable.

Because I just left a comment at Ray Comfort's blog (via Pharyngula). I'm wondering if he'll come here and bring his banana ("atheist's nightmare" you know).

Then I can sing him my chiquita song.

January 22, 2008 2:24 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Oops. I didn't know that Ray Comfort has conceded that banana argument at Hellbound Allee!

Of course, now at his blog he's saying that cow lactation is a "miracle" that scientists can't explain. What a fucking idiot!

January 22, 2008 4:20 PM  

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