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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Halloween Spoiler Shirley Nagel Actually Gave Me an Idea

Though I love Halloween, I've never been big on handing out the candy to the kiddies, but I love to decorate and think of new ideas to celebrate.

One year I had the brainstorm to go to Goodwill, buy a bunch of kids' books (coloring books, science books, picture books, and dinosaurs) that were in good condition, wipe them with a mild bleach solution, put them in a caldron-type pan and slip a note in a scary font in each book ("We thought your kids would enjoy a book this year, from your neighbors at blah, blah"), add a bunch of dracula pencils, pumpkin bubble-blowers, and black cat erasers, and let the kids dig for what they wanted.

Well, don't let anyone tell you that reading is dead (arh, arh) because the little tykes loved it! They didn't need my help. Every kid took one book. The parents thanked us profusely. I got to light candles, eat popcorn, and watch all the Vincent Price movies I could stand. It was a success.
Well, I've been majorly sick this year, for months actually, and was finally put on antibiotics just before this Halloween, so all I could do this year was unscrew the outside bulb and lie down until my headache subsided and I could keep some food down. Ugh. It sucked. (I want to dress as the undead, not feel like them.)

But it didn't suck as much as the Halloween in Grosse Pointe Farms, where some fanatical McCain delegate to the RNC named Shirley Nagel is in real need of an intervention:

Shirley, Sugar (what else can I call you?), you are taking this election wayyyyy too seriously! Holy crap. Then there's the footage of her being interviewed by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog after she denied her fellow delegates their turn at the cabernet trough.

Would this Renaissance woman be able to tell Amantillado from sherry? Somehow I doubt it.

But at least when she gave blood (50 proof?) earlier this year, as she claims, she didn't designate whether it should go to a McCain or an Obama supporter, and all those red-state corpuscles probably contained both cabernet and all the candy corns she saved for herself from the Halloween jar. Ooh! Cab 'n candy! Vampire's delight. Somebody keep Lestat from this mortal.

But her idiocy (not to mention sheer meanness) gave me an idea. Why not teach the kiddies to vote on Halloween?

Voting is one of the things you'd think they'd learn in school, but don't - along with compound interest and how to balance a checkbook. (We had a mock stock exchange in junior high - talk about bedlam. Fun.)

Next year, make up ballots for the kids and tell them to circle their choice and place their ballot in the witches cauldron you have in the yard:

Who would make the best President of Halloween?
a) The Great Pumpkin (Do kids know who this is anymore?)
b) Santa Claus
c) Spiderman
d) Dora the Explorer
e) Frankenstein
f) [Write in your candidate here]

Or whoever/whatever. Then keep a running tally throughout the evening and post the updates on the sign held by the ghost hanging from your tree in the front yard.

If you hand out candy in addition to this, give out candy to everyone (duh!) but hand out "I voted really scary" stickers to those who fill out a ballot. Glow-in-the-dark ones. That'll get the stragglers to register.

That would be fun! That would be a kick. Unlike the brainstorm of Shirley Nagel, who just won an all-expenses-paid, bipartisan house toilet-papering, egg-throwing, and flaming-dog-poop-on-the-stoop party for the entire next year. And well deserved, I must say.

I just don't know how anyone could work compound interest/balancing the checkbook into Halloween, though. Next year, we'll probably just go to a party, as we did last year.

Maybe I'll go as Shirley Nagel.

(Listen, though - If I eventually manage to convince kids to "straighten up your room for Halloween," I expect someone to nominate me for the Nobel Peace Prize. Got that?)

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Clever costume!!!

November 06, 2008 10:52 AM  
Blogger Rev. Barky said...

shower babe.

November 10, 2008 2:19 PM  
Blogger breakerslion said...

Hmmm. Browser problems. Let's try that again, and sorry if it posts twice....

I said: Leave it to Faux News to run the story.

"Naaagel nagelnagelnagel!"

November 11, 2008 1:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obummer won???
Oh, bummer!!!

November 11, 2008 6:54 PM  
Blogger Gary said...

Hi Kristine!

The Gang at ATBC were asking about you, and I told them to visit you and ask how you are doing.

BTW - Dembski - Gone From UD!
DaveScot - Gone From UD!

But, Plenty O'Tard still remains.


November 18, 2008 7:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, How have you been?
Gary H.

November 18, 2008 8:12 AM  
Anonymous JollyRoger said...

McCain had a wonderful Halloween costume on, and he didn't even have to work on it any. Caribou Barbie, of course, let her sugar daddies at the RNC purchase her a Sak's Fifth Avenue witch costume.

November 18, 2008 11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's no wonder at all that Obummer won the election. He's had free publicity for longer than he has been alive. His face has been on the cover of Mad magazine any number of times over the past half century.

November 18, 2008 12:18 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Hey, I was a big reader of Mad Mag.

Hi, J-Dog, Gary, and all. I'm so sorry - I've been showing up at AtBC to see if there were big mod problems, otherwise I haven't been babysitting you guys much, as you've obviously figured out. Miss me, huh?

If I ever get done with this $#%&@ slave-drive semester, during which I was also sicker than a dog, I'll get back into actually posting something there and making sure you guys are good for Santa.

In the meantime, I've just been checking to see that no one posts porn videos (all those posts that trigger a "mod notification" get deleted before I get there! Do I not get to flush porn myself?) and that no big flameout has happened that hasn't been flushed yet.

I haven't fallen off the edge of the earth - yet. Thanks for inquiring!

November 18, 2008 5:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

A big reader of Mad-
I remember the time when it was comic book size, way to hang and gone back, well over fifty years ago. There was one story about sound effects. The thrown dagger striking the victim would go "Thunk," the body falling to the ground went "Bounce, bounce," and the lifeblood flowing went "Bleed, bleed." It was capitally funny.

November 18, 2008 8:21 PM  
Blogger Gary said...

Kristine - Yes we miss you! And study hard, stay out of trouble, and be home early.

November 19, 2008 12:44 PM  
Blogger Scott Hatfield . . . . said...

Hi, Kristine! Long time no post!

Just thought I'd let you know that I was on the radio with the mayor of Fresno (TV actor Alan Autry), debating evolution and such. You can check out my action here.


November 27, 2008 12:25 AM  

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