It's the Stupid Bullshit

Well, the speechifying is over. Our nation is wrong, and the wrong is getting stronger. Today we lost a great American, Coretta Scott King, and she was used as a prop in a shameful display of unreality and lies by the President, himself a mere prop for activist fundamentalist business owners. Alternative energy, teaching science, warm-fuzzy math, yadda yadda, he still wants creationism in the schools, and by the way, he knew that we'd forget about those hydrogen cars that he promised in another speech. (Probably a good thing, too.) Of those in this nation who inexplicably think that this nitwit George Bush is doing a good job, I hope that the government bugs their houses "so that we know about it, because we don't want to sit back and get hit again." No, we sure don't.

Make the tax cuts permanent? Is he out of his fucking mind?

George Bush has many masks, and he shows each of them to a different audience. Tonight he practically changed masks in mid-sentence. I could not help but notice that the masks of George Bush rather correspond to the world’s different religions and philosophies, but there is one common threat running through all of his disguises: his bullshit.

Taoist Bush: Bullshit happens. (See also Taoist Rumsfeld.)
Confucianist Bush: Confucius deny that bullshit happens.
Buddhist Bush: If bullshit happens, it isn’t really bullshit. (See also Confucianist Bush)

Zen Bush: What is the sense of bullshit not happening?
Muslim Bush: If bullshit happens, September 11th. They hate our bullsh—I mean, our freedom.
Tongue-Speaking Bush: If bullshit happens, fund Israel and aouiosfson sidfopds sdufiodps! Amen!

Catholic Bush: If bullshit happens, it’s to protect you.
Peace Process Bush: If bullshit happens, it’s to protect Israel.
Fundamentalist Bush: If bullshit happens, it’s to protect Jesus.

Fundraiser Bush: If bullshit happens, it’s to protect me.
Protestant Bush: Let my bullshit spread freedom across the world!
Intellectual Bush: Aouiosfson sidfopds sdufiodps. (See also Alan Keyes) Amen.

Born-Again Bush: God put me on this earth to bullshit. As President.
Creationist Bush: The jury is out on Darwin’s bullshit.
“Education President” Bush: Science is bullshit. Teach the idiocy.

Moonie Bush: Ya’ll wouldn’t believe the bullshit I pulled as a cheerleader. And one time when I was a pilot, and drunk as a skunk, I even mooned my Commanding Offic—oh! You mean, Moonie! Like the Moonies! Oh, yeah, it’s a religion. Um—

Hare Krishna Bush: Bullshit happens, like this darn tambourine hittin’ my crotch. Rama, Rama—what the hell’s a Rama?
Environmental Bush: Global Warming is bullshit.
AWOL Bush: Showin’ up is bullshit.

Rastafarian Bush: Let’s smoke this bullshit Constitution.
Impeached Bush: Well, shoot now—that’ll never happen! :)

Got a crappy "Design?" Yes—and it's your fault!

The jig is up. The intelligent [sic] design advocates have discovered that the "design" of the eye sucks, and that there are many other nasty little "designs" out there. Little children are born blind. Innocent people suffer war, earthquakes, starvation, injustice. Gosh, the IDers have started to confront the uncomfortable fact that there is a lot of unintelligent design in the world. Grow up fast, don't they?

Nope.

Like Georgie Bush spinning the Hamas election win, the IDers claim that crappy designs just prove their point! It means that they're right! Here's why.

“Christianity solves the ‘problem’ by explaining that evil is ultimately not the fault of God, but rather is the result of human sin and the sin of evil spiritual beings [emphasis mine]. Both groups have rebelled against God, who is fundamentally loving and good. God thus did not create the physical or spiritual world full of evil, but His creations, in their own free will, chose evil. Additionally, though the world chose evil, Christianity teaches that God has redeemed it from evil. An analogy is that humanity was on a boat with God, and it was safe, dry, and happy. Humanity chose to jump off the boat into the swirling ocean, incurring the consequence of imminent drowning. Yet, while drowning in this ocean of evil, God in His mercy has thrown us a life-ring, Jesus Christ, if we choose to grab on to him. This is the essence of the Christian solution to the problem of evil.”

Oh, very scientific, are we? There is nothing empirical about all this. God, sin, and a boat? Well, I suppose that we could run DNA analysis on the boat, to see if there are any bloodstains, or confiscate God's computer to see if He Googled the bay tides. Don't know why God would go golfing on Christmas Eve day, but…

I’m joking, of course. There is nothing testable here. It’s apologetic claptrap.

Well, let’s evaluate this statement in terms of apologetics, then.

Now, let me see if I’ve got this all straight:

1. God is all good, all perfect, not evil at all.
2. God created everything.
3. Evil (physical and spiritual) is a part of everything.
4. But God did not create evil!
5. Nothing can exist without God.
6. Evil exists.
7. But God did not create evil!
8. God is not evil, and did not create evil, but God “allows” evil (which apparently created itself, or evolved or whatever, from nothing, which is supposed to be impossible) to enter the world, in order to try us and judge us.
9. If we don’t make the wrong choices, this God who is all good and perfect will punish us and send us to Hell.

I mean—how can anyone with even half a brain not see the logical inconsistencies here, and the utter moral bankruptcy of this kind of thinking? What a hideous, immoral, vacuous thing to believe! This is not a faith to teach people—it is abomination. Frankly, such a belief is downright evil.

Put it this way: Let’s say that there is a father, who is a good guy with a good job, a nice guy, who doesn’t drink or beat his wife, is nice to the kids, etc., who “allows” evil into his home—allows his bowling buddies over, say, to have a party at his house one night while he is gone. Let’s say that these friends of his get drunk and do drugs, and entice the kids to get drunk and take drugs, and end up molesting the kids, and attacking this good father’s wife. Let’s say moreover that this good father then comes home to see that his kids are drunk and high, that his kids are acting out, that they are defiant and angry, and that his wife is furious, cursing this good father who “allowed” evil into his home. Okay.

Now, this good father, this perfect father who brought this evil into his home—remember, he is not evil himself, he did not make the evil, he merely “allowed” it to sack out on his couch for a while, to see what his family would do—this good, loving, all-knowing and all-wise father (who by the way is supposed to be the “head of the wife” and the absolute authority over his kids), takes one look at his messed up family and…sends them all to Hell. Why? Because it's all their fault! After all, they sinned, didn’t they? They have free will, don’t they? They had the choice! After all, evil can’t be the father’s fault! And they chose evil. They had better apologize, or else. Evil is their fault.

No, it isn’t. No, of course not—that’s stupid. They were sinned against. Yes, the evil done in his house is the father’s fault and it is he who has sinned. It’s the fault of the perpetrators—but it is also the father’s fault for allowing this evil into his home.

Of course it would be the father’s fault! No one would let this guy off if He were Anyone Else. He would be screamed at by Bill ("Shut up!") O'Reilly on The Factor if He weren't God.

This illustrates the moral bankruptcy of the intelligent [sic] design movement. Set aside the movement's complete lack of scientific evidence for the moment. (Uh, for one thing, we came from the ocean, not from a boat on it.) This ID God is one abusive parent. Someone needs to remove the kids from His house, so that they can admit that their Dad is dysfunctional, and stop making all kinds of lame excuses for Him that are pathological and of no value in developing healthy relationships and a clear set of ethics.

And someone needs to stage an intervention for this God. He sounds like one messed up Dude. No wonder He's a crappy Designer. He hasn't gotten His own act together, first. And He made me nearsighted, too.

The Intelligent Designer has some real issues!

The Amused Muse - Smell Checker for Fish Stories

Welcome to my blog. Here I intend to sort the facts from the fish stories, the science from the pseudoscience, and the pure reality from the public relations.

I will be writing about various subjects that are of great concern to me:

• evolution (it's well-supported by the evidence, people) versus creationism (sorry!)
• contemporary puritanicism and assorted party-poopers
• individual liberties
• literature, illiteracy, and foreign languages
• atheism and religion
• politics, poetry, and punk rock
• astronomy

In the meantime, check out this awesome site, from Kansas. Happy Birthday, Red State Rabble!