Birthday Rankings, Birthday Spankings...

UPDATED: What I would really like for my birthday is a rational and peaceful world. Too much to ask, I guess, since an Afghani man my age faces the death penalty for converting to Christianity (come to America, Abdul Rahman, here it's the atheists everyone hates), and global warming doesn't seem to hear us when it's called a myth, while fucking lunatics try to ban ridiculing Islam, rubes ban sex toys in Mississippi, and pathetic suckers see Jesus in a plaster wall in Alabama (you know what, Mississippi and Alabama, He’s just not that into you. I’m sorry). By the way, evolution is hardly taught at all in this country. Well, at least the hostages in Iraq were freed. And why are we over there in the first place?

It's my birthday on the 22nd. I can't be this old. No way can I be this friggin' old. I still get carded, for Pete's sake! I finally have age 19 figured out, and I'm 41? I still haven't figured out what to do with my life.

Well, anyway, I share March with these spring babies:

March 5: Rex Harrison (Spank! I still have a major crush on this guy);
March 9: Yuri Gagarin, first man in space (Sorry, can't say the same, Yuri);

March 10: Osama Bin Laden (Holy shit! And I left my belly-dance/trap-a-terrorist costume at the cleaner’s. If I ever had the honor of catching this guy, I’d turn him over and tell the CIA where to stick its 25 million dollar reward. I wouldn’t need a reward to turn in Osama Bin Laden. It would be my pleasure, my gift to the American people and to the world.)

March 12: Wally Schirra, astronaut;
March 13: Percival Lowell, astronomer;
March 14: Albert Einstein, and Frank Borman, astronaut and airline executive;

Okay, here we go - March 22: Chico Marx of Marx Brothers, Karl Malden, actor (I’m a big fan!), Marcel Marceau, William Shatner, and... oh, no... oh, crap...

March 22: Pat Robertson! AUGGH! AAUUGH! No fucking way!

March 23: Erich Fromm, psychoanalyst (and I'm gonna need one! Pat Robertson! Augh!)
March 24: Harry Houdini, magician, and (UPDATED) Steve McQueen (Thanks, j-dog!)
March 25: Gutzon Borglum, who sculpted Mt. Rushmore (The “Designer” himself. Maybe Michael Behe will throw a party), and Gloria Steinem;

March 26: Robert Frost, Tennessee Williams, Leonard Nimoy, and of course, Richard Dawkins;
March 28: Dirk Bogarde, actor (Big, big crush on him! Okay, no more actors, Kristine);

March 29: Eugene McCarthy;
March 30: Vincent van Gogh;
March 31: Cesar Chavez, and Al Gore Jr.

Get lost, Pat Robertson! This is my birthday! Mine. No spanking for you. Ditto for Osama.