If the Earth was a Car, and Bush had Gas…

…would you roll the windows down or up? ‘Cause either way, you’re sunk, and even though I have eschewed driving for so long, so am I.

Evil-ass Bush won't even look through Al Gore's telescope. He already knows that the documentary is "false." Jesus told him.

A scientific study commissioned [as opposed to unscientific studies, I guess] by the Bush administration concluded yesterday that the lower atmosphere was indeed growing warmer and that there was "clear evidence of human influences on the climate system." [Requires payment for full article]

The finding eliminates a significant area of uncertainty in the debate over global warming, one that the administration has long cited as a rationale for proceeding cautiously on what it says would be costly limits on emissions of heat-trapping gases.

What the hell else do these gas-asses need to convince them that global warming is a fact? But don’t worry, Bush-Puppy can always find another fuzzed-up rubber bone from behind the couch to chew:

But White House officials noted that this was just the first of 21 assessments [emphasis mine] planned by the federal Climate Change Science Program, which was created by the administration in 2002 to address what it called unresolved questions.

Unresolved questions! It’s not that hard to understand, Mr. President. You like The Fart Book, don’t you? That’s your idea of heavy reading, so…

Global warming is like someone—probably you—farting in a car, except the car is in outer space, so you can’t open the windows. Did you hear what I just said, George Bush? (Get your finger away from that button, Mr. President!) Then, your friends that you’re riding with all look at each other and say, “It wasn’t me.” Then you, original you, Bush Puppy, you let out this crack, “He who smelt it, dealt it!” and point to the lone environmentalist.

That’s how you’re going down in history, you callow Jesus muncher!

UPDATED: Greenhouse gases fuel global warming, and then global warming produces more greenhouse gases! Oh, great.

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UPDATED: For every superstitious, uneducated, incurious, lazy-ass, selfish President, there are thousands of oblivious, ostensibly educated, arrogant, lazy-ass, and selfish “just-stop-whining” cretins like Robert Bazell. He says that he accepts evolution, and then states that teaching Intelligent Design is just peachy by him, because doctors know that truth will out, or something like that. Instead, he wants doctors to focus on "values."

Guess what, Mr. Bazell, not everyone is as privileged as you are to be educated and have access to a fine education for your children. Teaching evolution makes all the difference in having students understand not only biology, but astronomy, chemistry, physics, and geology. Not teaching it means that some people get to hear the “it’s God’s will”/“you sinned” crap. Look at Dr. Bill Frist, stating that one can get AIDS by breathing air! Are you not concerned, Mr. Bazell, about such similar superstitious movements as the “fetal pain,” “abortion’s link to breast cancer,” “HIV doesn’t cause AIDS in heterosexuals” taking hold in this country? Or are you so out of touch that you dismiss these movements as run by fringe wackos that will not have any real consequences?

Are you saying that the artificial selection of the rich having access to science while the rest of us are told to "pray" is not about values? Are you saying that the Christian opposition to a cervical cancer vaccine is not about values? Are you saying that valuing the truth (evolution) is not about values?

UPDATED: Stephen Colbert: “If religion were based on science, it would be called--science. And no one would believe it.”