FREE hit counter and Internet traffic statistics from

Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

My Photo
Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Friday, July 07, 2006

A Godless Proposal

UPDATED: Hey, Annie Coulter--I just returned your book. I am now Godlessless. You should pay me for even reading that claptrap. Hell, I should get disability. Here's what I did with the money I won't give you--I bought Through Our Eyes Only? The Search for Animal Consciousness by Marian Stamp Dawkins, Professor at Somerville College and University of Oxford.
So, according to columnist Megham Daum, Ann Coulter’s Godless is brilliant satire in the tradition of Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal, eh?

I confess that unintentional satire entered my mind when I read her 80-page yowl against “Darwinism.” In using that word interchangeably with evolution and “survival of the fittest,” Coulter certainly encapsulates the duh-termination of addled creationist activists who apparently go through life trying to walk up the down escalator. I found the chapters on evolution in Godless to be an astonishingly garbled rendition of tried-and-untrue creationist rants, which get recycled even more often than “True Love Waits” vows.

Are we to believe that, in between attending the spinstrel shows at her megachurch, Coulter lifted her anti-“Darwiniac” rant directly from secondary sources like Intelligent Design hucksters William Dembski, Michael Behe, et al, in order to lampoon them?

That’s laughable, all right (though not as hilarious as Dembski’s and Behe’s regular “satirizing” of themselves). I must say that Ms. Coulter sure does an excellent imitation of a possible cosmetic surgery addict and creationist sock-puppet who, in keeping with the Republican pattern, could even have had a couple of secret abortions (how would we know?), which would compliment her cry of “virgin sacrifice!” as nicely as Strom Thurmond wagging his white finger (the one on his hand). Yes, it’s an inspired comic performance!

It inspires me, too. Being that “comedy is tragedy plus time” as Meghan Daum writes, the current American orgy of Christian piety should be ripe for satire as well. Now, don’t be so serious! Everyone must join the Center for the Study of Popular Culture in “defending the cultural foundations of a free society” by demonstrating that Americans’ love of satire extends even to making fun of the ungodless.

Therefore, here are few of my own witticisms for your delectation. (But unlike Coulter, I thought up everything that I wrote and speak only for myself.) Enjoy!

  • Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell hold a Good Friday service every year. I have never seen clergy enjoying their god’s death so much! Of course, these preachers are millionaires. We don’t know that their Jesus wasn’t planning to throw these hypocrites (harpy-crites?) into Hell. Now that their earthly shelf life is dwindling they’d better hurry up and appear in “Godspell.”

  • Most churches are—at best—expensive baby-sitting arrangements—for adults. At worst, they are idiot-training labs, where priests and pastors sexually abuse the children between protesting pap smears at women’s clinics and making guest appearances on Fox News.

  • Assuming you aren’t a fundamentalist former fetus, the right’s most dangerous religious belief is their secret admiration for the same Islamist terrorists that this nation is ostensibly waging a war against.

  • The only evidence for God’s existence is fake evidence. Forget the peppered moths (which were never presented as “evidence for evolution” anyway)—the real scandal of the millennium is the Jesus face in pepper on someone’s mashed potatoes in Chunky, Mississippi.

  • The Party of Rape-publicans wants to stay in (and we do mean in) Iraq. Don’t pull our troops out—that would be unmanly! Iraqi women and girls need “liberation.” It’s a good thing no one searches the President for mislabeled Viagra prescriptions after his return from those secret visits.

Ha, ha, ha. Now, I’ll just sit back and listen to the pundits celebrate me as “a comic genius, an anthropologist with an edge, the adopted lovechild of Oscar Wilde and Gore Vidal.”

See, I can take a joke.


    Blogger Doctor Marco said...

    I confess that I have committed the sin of not reading Ann Coukter's book. In my behalf I can say that I have been busy buying a new house, moving and starting a new job. However, between hours of hard work, I happened to discover The Colbert Report as the most brilliant satire of conservative thought I have ever seen.

    I just commented about your comment in my blog. Just one thought. The final results of the Peruvian elections show that exit polls had a difference of 0.1% with them. How can we explain that in a thirld world country with enormous mountains and rivers, with roads that get destroyed every year by landfalls and rain, with more than 80 native spoken languages and a illiteracy rate close to 10%, can have such exact exit poll results? How can Ohio, which is in the first world, almost flat, great freeways crossing it, with almost no illiterates, with everyone speaking English can get a 3% (30 times more than 0.1%)difference between exit polls and the final official results?

    July 09, 2006 8:33 AM  
    Blogger Kristine said...

    Sin? Reading Coulter's book is not much of a virtue, let me tell you. I am not equipped to answer every one of her charges (which she is obviously not equipped to make in the first place). I'm not the person to take her down--the people at Panda's Thumb have been doing a top-notch job of that.

    I don't know what to say about Ohio. I think that the real problem is that we have a lot of citizen indifference in this country, which fuels whatever games that whichever party wants to play. That joke in "The Breakfast Club" about the nerd getting a fake ID so that he could vote could have applied to me--I've voted in every election and in every primary but one since I turned 18 (and before then, I made it clear how I wanted my parents to vote). But no everyone is like that!

    It's important to have a life and a satisfying job. Good luck with the house (I've been there, too). Ann Coulter isn't the center of the universe, whatever she may think of herself.

    July 09, 2006 1:01 PM  
    Blogger bigdumbchimp said...

    Are we to believe that, in between attending the spinstrel shows at her megachurch

    Apparently even her claims of attending that church were a complete lie.

    July 11, 2006 8:24 AM  
    Blogger Kristine said...

    “Our database shows that she is not a member.”

    You have been erased, Ann Coulter! Wah-ha-ha!

    I’ve heard this charge that she doesn’t really show up there—but seriously, how can these spiritual behemoths keep track of their members, anyway? What do they think they’re cultivating at a megachurch (I heard that it was a megachurch)—community? These people want to be a mob. They want to be anonymous little robots. Come to think of it, I doubt that she goes, either. She wouldn’t get enough attention there.

    July 11, 2006 3:33 PM  
    Blogger bigdumbchimp said...

    They want pure and unadulterated surrender

    July 11, 2006 4:20 PM  

    Post a Comment

    Links to this post:

    Create a Link

    << Home