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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Cthulhu at IKEA, or Sic Semper Tyrannis

Just in time for Halloween: it's the beginning of the end for spoiled little Tyrannis with IKEA toys and bedroom sets!

First came the warnings on Virginia's license plates, but no! You ignored PZ! You dismissed Pharyngula!

(That'll show you.)

Then came the catalog in the mail with this "endearing" little creature.

Note how it sneaks up on the unsuspecting little simpering Tyrannis.
At first, it seems just a friendly old toy, sitting on the toybox...

And then it's playing with the child, just like any clever predator...
(Oh ye of little faith! Will your child's funeral cost $69.99?)

And then it attacks! Sic'em! Sic Semper Tyrannis! AAAAaaahhhhhhh...

IKEA, the gate between the worlds.

(Didn't you know?)


Blogger Dan said...

He he. Funy.

October 27, 2006 5:33 PM  
Blogger Rev. Barking Nonsequitor said...

Oh yea? The most frightening toy I have seen this year is the "N.S.E.C.T. ROBOT ATTACK CREATURE" by Tyco RC. It walks around like a crazy bug and fires missiles at co-workers! I hope someone buys on for me this year!

October 27, 2006 9:18 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Yeah, Dan, better that little tyrannis than me! I always knew that IKEA was an evil front. I get my furniture from the alley, thank you very much.


Rev. Barking Nonsequ, this is real! It's really happening! Honest. Assuming that we even survive the Cthulhu chomp, I'll write to Santa for you. Santa is real too, you know. Jon Edwards talks to Santa all the time (because Kringle is dead).

What I'm truly scared of is bears. Even Cthulhu trembles before the bears.

October 27, 2006 11:24 PM  
Anonymous kmiers said...

I know what you mean. I have never owned a new piece of furniture in my life. The 80's was a great time to acquire Mid Century Modern. (mostly from alleys, of course). Ikea is a scary place........

October 28, 2006 8:19 AM  
Blogger breakerslion said...

Ikea, Crate and Barrel, Pier 1, Where will it end? Evil furniture that violates the laws of form and function... are the aliens pre-decorating before the takeover?

I thought everyone knew that clowns are the first line of defense against Cthulhu, It's scared to death of them!

I can see forever!

October 28, 2006 5:21 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Kmiers, what about Office Depot? Everything that I couldn't find in the alley or was passed around my family until it got to me is from Office Depot.

Breakerslion, I think that clowns are Cthulhu wannabees, and I'm scared to death of them. We must stop them from joining forces with the enemy.

I bought a lily pad lamp from Design Toscano once, did I invite this menace into our realm?

October 29, 2006 11:15 AM  
Anonymous deadman_932 said...

I had posted this a while back at PT, but it's almost the holiday season and who wouldn't want to give a child a plushie ebola virus, or a cuddly case of the clap to a significant other? Check it out at

October 30, 2006 8:20 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Holy habilis, that is too much! (Note: the link works if you erase the br tag at the end.)

This Christmas, give the gift that keeps on giving: the clap!

(Anonymous trolls bearing offers of kinky sex, beware. Run from Kristine. Run!)

October 30, 2006 9:07 AM  
Anonymous deadman_932 said...

Ack! Thanks, Kristine. HTML and I just never seem to get along.
About clowns -- My cousin Barbara set a meter-tall one by my bed when I was six, and so I awoke to its horrid leering visage. Traumatized, I was. Fortunately, I get to blame all my subsequent chemical abuses on her, so it all worked out fine. Cheers!

October 30, 2006 10:19 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu IKEA wgah'nagl fhtagn!

October 30, 2006 1:42 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Everyone, we must rescue Dan!

He hasn't gotten any sleep and apparently the clowns have joined forces with Cthulhu and the gangsta cats and the
mutant sharks, holy crap, this is awful!

We're coming, Dan! We'll be there soon! Yeah, anybody else with me? Guys?

Oh, guys...!

October 30, 2006 3:26 PM  
Blogger Muteboy said...

haha! I should have searched before posting the link below! I did translate the incantation though.

January 25, 2007 10:38 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

IƤ! The end is near. *Glances at clock* It's just taking a while.

January 25, 2007 8:19 PM  

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