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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

"God Hates Minnesota"

Fred Phelps. The collapsed bridge. Another protest.

No comment.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fred and gang are EASY.

You walk up to one of them - guy or gal (better if opposite sex).

Ask what they are doing - listen for a while - look interested and concerned - especially at the anti-gay rhetoric.

Ask if the travel and protest isn't hard on the group and the Phelps family member you are talking to.

Ask how they can travel and avoid "bias."

Sooner or later they will tell you that they have hotel rooms segregated by sex - boys on one side girls on another.

Most are married (look for the ring!).

Ask what they are doing away from their spouse - act very, very confused and concerned.

Then look as though you have a clue - they are all GAY! Boys and Girls bunking together while protesting "Gay" issues is just another "gay" attempt to take over the US!

Choose your terms - blasphemer - whatever -
holding up a cross or Star of David will really make them back off - stay low key throughout

I've had them run away time and time again.

The thing they fear most is being shown to be "gays" on parade!

August 09, 2007 11:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

One last thing - if Fred comes over to talk - and if you stay low key enough to appear "reasonable" he will - try to accidently knock off his sunglasses and step on them "by accident."

Apologize and give him the pair you happen to have - STAR FRAMES are a hoot! $3.00 at the nearest Walgreens "young Miss" section!

August 09, 2007 11:47 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Ooooh, I don't know if I want to be knocking off anyone's glasses - I would never assault someone or place myself in a situation in which I could be accused of assault.

Though I did think about Breakerslion’s, um, “water” balloon idea… However, I do believe in freedom of speech, even for a nitwit like Phelps, but protesting people’s funerals!

Who knows, maybe Fred will cancel again. I hope so. He thankfully chickened out of that Marine’s funeral, the local boy who got killed in Iraq – holy shit, was I mad about the prospect of Phelps upsetting the guy’s family – and for what? Was the Marine gay? No…so what’s Phelps justification again?

If no one was gay, nobody would die? We would have no funerals? Huh? I don’t get it.

Flipping lunatic. I wouldn't be surprised if he sired all of his grandchildren. There can't be that many outsiders lined up to marry into the Phelps family.

August 10, 2007 11:43 AM  
Anonymous Borat said...

I thinking, Is this a man that I should not kiss in my greeeting? It is customery to kiss, but always I get in big troubles in America wit this, so..

August 10, 2007 12:50 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Yes, Borat! YES. I dare you to!

Fred Phelps and Borat! A perfect combination! You are a genius, whoever you are.

Borat - now come on, WHO ARE YOU? Who are you, really?

August 10, 2007 1:13 PM  
Anonymous Borat said...

I am Borat, hear to make scientific learnings of America for make benefit glorious commenting of Kazakhstan!

August 10, 2007 2:34 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Oh. *Sigh* Ask a silly question...

August 10, 2007 4:05 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I could be accused of assault."

Assault = imminent fear of unwelcome or unpleasant touching.

Battery = a touching.

The sunglasses are the mirrored type that keep you from looking them in the eye. They want it that way. The trick is to get them to take off their "mask" -- they act frightened and "exposed" in my experience.

You talk the sunglasses off - tell him you want to look into his eyes - then sit on the !@#$%^& sunglasses and be very apologetic.

The sunglasses are a crutch - as such it is a weak spot in their "public persona." Take advantage of their weak spots.

Pointing out how unnatural it is for husbands and wives to be segregated away from each other is a massive attack on their "family values."

Taking it one step further and question if they really aren't what they hate/fear most - with a nice friendly approach they wn't even see the knife until they have been gutted (by logic).

The Phelps clan is a "cult of personality" with Fred the central figure. Humiliate him and they all collapse.

Let's not forget that Fred is a disbarred lawyer who abused his position and threatened/defamed judges and a court reporter!

Having the Cap Journal material memorized can allow you to thrash Fred as the bully he is - by asking nice, friendly questions and then cap it off with a zinger from his disbarment/license surrender. It's really nice if there is a TV crew handy.... BUT - FRED NEVER TAKES OFF HIS SUNGLASSES ON TV!

When Fred becomes too weak to play in public - these people will disappear.

Fred is a rabid animal - he has a vile, incurable sickness and he is as nasty a piece of work as you will ever face. That is exactly why you should seek him out when he comes to your neighborhood - see what a weak and frightened hate-monger really is. They aren't much to see, up close.

August 11, 2007 2:25 PM  
Blogger Rev. Barking Nonsequitor said...

I think they deserve to have a small troupe of mimes at their side - Imagine a small group of folks in the berets and striped shirts silently engaging in a parody of their actions.

August 11, 2007 5:49 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Now, where am I going to get a troupe of mimes, friend?

I think that they need a new verse of "From the Bushes"!

August 12, 2007 1:25 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

NEWS FLASH: Karl Rove just jumped out of the Bushes! (Actually, "flash" conjures up some rather unappetizing images.)

August 13, 2007 1:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Either you have a *way* out of control imagination or you are one sick puppy - " (Actually, "flash" conjures up some rather unappetizing images."


August 13, 2007 10:11 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

I am one sick kitty. (Actually, I am - I think I got a touch of heat exhaustion on Saturday and it's lingered.)

Well, Bushes (George H.W. and George W.) conjure up some pretty unsavory images themselves. But they have chicks in their lives! How sick is that? At least no one goes near Karl Rove. One sick puppy, he.

I wonder if Fred Phelps will protest his resignation.

August 14, 2007 12:13 AM  

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