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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

An Evolution Christmas

I'm so darned proud of this poem that I wrote for the folks at Uncommon Descent that I'm going to post it here, too! I wrote it in only ten minutes! (Or maybe you can tell?) Well, I like it.

All the best to everyone out there!

UPDATED: pbfared was kind enough to ask to reprint my poem.

T’was the night before Christmas
and all through the world,
not a creature had evolved yet,
not even a bird.
The stars were all hung
from the cliff-tops it seemed,
but the roiling oceans
bubbled and dreamed.

The pre-Cambrian children
were snug in their sludge,
with visions of mollusks
and trilobite fudge

When, what with a patter
three kingdoms arrived
bearing the gifts of
two more, to make five!

On Cambrian! On Ordovician! On Silurian goo!
On Devonian! On Carboniferous! On Permian, too!
From the lowest prokaryotic to the tallest dinosaur—
now dash away, dash away, from the meteor roar!

So up the food chain the mammals grew,
with a brain-cage of goodies, and you and me, too.
And as Homo erectus was turning around,
Down from the tree St. Nick came with a bound.
He was covered in hair, from his head to his foot,
And his elves were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of sticks he had flung on the briar,
And looked like he was about to invent fire.

His eyes—how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like breadfruit, his nose like a berry.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Making footprints in the creek bed, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his finger alongside his nose,
he startled the primates with his Ho Ho Ho!s

He sprang to a branch, and brachiated like mad,
and away his elves followed, for none had been bad.
And thanks to this we have speech to describe this sight.
So happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

UPDATED: Oh, sure. Now Panda's Thumb has the 12 Days of Disco REDUX (that's the Disco(very) Institute, kids).

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Blogger Paula The Red said...

Wonderful! Now, this is an Xmas treat. How did UD react? Choke on their eggnog?

December 24, 2006 10:00 PM  
Anonymous j said...

I like it. I like it a lot.

December 24, 2006 11:23 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Thanks, guys!

It hasn't appeared on UD at all. To be fair, it was totally off-topic! I was writing to deliver a "greeting card link" from me and fellow atheist/skeptic UD watchers and thought I would whip out a poem while I was at it.

I'd like to think maybe one of the moderators secretly sniggered at it, though.

December 25, 2006 12:58 AM  
Blogger breakerslion said...

A thing of beauty.

May your body chemistry be stimulated to produce feelings of comfort and joy, and may all your delusions and hallucinations be small and irrelevant to your world-view.

December 25, 2006 11:09 AM  
Blogger Rev. BigDumbChimp said...


December 26, 2006 12:31 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Thank you, Breakerslion! Thank you, Rev. BigDumbChimp! *Curtseys*

December 26, 2006 12:43 PM  
Blogger PiGuy said...

That's excellent!

Enjoy your new copy of Cosmos as well.

December 26, 2006 1:17 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

John and I watched the first episode last night.

December 27, 2006 8:39 AM  

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