The New Yorker Nails It on President Obama's Nobel

How does someone who loves the Prez to pieces but naturally has a "yes, but - " attitude toward the surprise awarding of the Nobel Peace Prize to him navigate between the twin shoals of gushy worship and cynical tut-tutting? The New Yorker's Hendrik Hertzberg, always a dry wit, throws this struggling captain a line:

If President Obama really had to get a gift postmarked Scandinavia this month, he would probably, on the whole, have preferred the Olympics. At least at the Olympics the judges wait till after the race to give you the gold medal. They don't force it on you while you're still waiting for the bus to take you in anticipation of possible future feats of glory, like a signing bonus or an athletic scholarship. They don't award it as a form of gentle encouragement, like a parent calling "Good job!" to a toddler who's made it to the top rung of the monkey bars.

Ha ha ha! Isn't it the truth? After watching the defensive response of Thorbjørn Jagland to questions about this choice, I began to suspect that this was really the "Congratulations for not being George W. Bush" award - which means, for pity's sakes, that any of the rest of us could have won the thing.

It's not a plastic, made-in-China "participation" trophy handed out to everyone in the class as part of a program to boost self-esteem. It's not a door prize or a goody bag or a bowl of V.I.P. fruit courtesy of the hotel management. It's not a gold star. It's a gold medal.

I'm hip to that. However, we must remember that even the gold medal itself is not always the Seal of Good Sportsmanship that it is meant to be. Let's not forget that ridiculous spectacle at the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City:



Or a pensive Nancy Kerrigan pouting and stomping her foot after losing the gold - which she deserved to lose - to Oksana Bayul. (On second thought, let's forget that whole Tonya-Nancy-Oksana thing. Yes, please!)

Of course, in response to the awarding of another gold to Sale and Pelletier, the scoring and judging of figure skating was changed to make it more "fair" - so fair, in fact, that I cannot make heads or tails of it, and judging from the comments of others who watch this sport on YouTube, neither can they.

So fair, in fact, that we find ourselves looking up the good old days by watching old performances by Kristi Yamaguchi and Midori Ito*, and even the pre-1993 performances of Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan (but man, did Kerrigan choke a lot - it's painful to see) rather than watch many of the skaters today, what with their "flutzes" (failed lutz - either falling off the takeoff edge, which makes it a flip, or under-rotating the jump so that the skater completes the last revolution on the ice) and "slips" (under-rotated flips). The new scoring system is supposed to award attempts at jumps but deduct for an incorrect takeoff edge, incomplete jump, and any landing that is not clean, and yet it seems to me that women's figure skating in particular went downhill after 2002.

(A few exceptions: the fiery Irina Slutskaya, who eats triple jumps for breakfast, and the lovely Shizuka Arakawa, the 2006 gold medalist, who I think could work on building more speed in her spins but completes her jumps with a confident back edge and a beautiful line. And despite her strong jumps I was never a fan of Michelle Kwan.)



Well, there it is. The award was not given, as I had hoped, to the Iranian student protestors. For better or for worse, the Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to President Barack Obama, who looked "abashed, even a little uncomfortable" according to Hertzberg, who adds, "the prize is won, but the peace, as always, is elusive." So it is. I don't think this honor has done much to help the current President step out of the He's-not-W shadow - that achievement, too, remains to be seen. But step out of that shadow, I believe, he will.

In other news, John McCain has requested that President Obama pardon Jake Johnson. I hope that he will.

*Both Kristi and Midori fell; Kristi won the gold. Uncharacteristically struggling to complete her jumps in the 1992 Olympics, Midori rallied, fought for the silver, and made skating history by throwing into her program a second triple axel. I love them both.

Ask Questions! Ask Questions! And then...

Glenn Beck is going to tell you exactly how to think for yourself, and then he's going to tell you exactly what to do with your new independence!



Okay, Preacher Glenn, I'll ask a fucking question: where the hell is the letter 'C'? 'C,' you know, as in conspiracy?

This is beyond hilarious, and beyond pathetic. "I don't know if we're going to turn into an oligarchy or what we're going to turn into, but unless you ask questions, we're going to turn into something." Yeah, no shit.

Later on (in the longer version of the video) he says he's tired of being a vitim! Bwahaha. Was the set rew smothering their giggles, or were they (more likely) hyponotized like bunnies by the harisma given off by this guru, who looks like he's trying to strangle the air with his hands? (Something he obviously learned from Dick heney.)

Faux News: They report, you de_ide!

These worthless fucks get paid for this rap!

(P.S. That should be "hoking"!)

Oh, and don't forget to head on over to Pharyngula for your Friday ephalopod. They've got mother-effing ephalopods, man!


UPDATED: Oh, oh, oh! Glenn Be_k says that I am on fire! My goodness, we liberal bloggers "can just stick around, because I think you can help America learn some more things." Oh, yeah, baby. There are lots of things to learn, Glenn. Spelling is just the beginning.

"You can't have an oligarchy without the czars!" Yeah, and you can't be a communist, either.

And you couldn't talk about Americorp Brown Shirts, Obama concentration camps, and whether Barack Hussein Obama was circumcized, now could you? (Okay, can you right-wing nuts decide whether or not it is patriotic to be circumcized? Because apparently Limbaugh thinks it's another fascist takeover.)

Dumb fuck.Anagrams for "oligarchy":
cigar holy
larch yogi
a richly go
a lyric hog
archly go I
hag cry oil
gaol cry hi
ha coy girl
rah icy log
ya rich log

SECOND UPDATE: Glenn Beck, modern day Savonarola.

Should Dedicated Fishermen Go Jump in the Lake?

High dingbat quotient today. I just can't let this one go: Someone named Tom Frame has written in the Sydney Morning Herald that Darwinists should be "honest" with everyone:

The problem I face is weariness with science-based dialogue partners like Richard Dawkins. It surprises me he is not chided for his innate scientific conservatism and metaphysical complacency. He won't take his depiction of Darwinism to logical conclusions. A dedicated Darwinian would welcome imperialism, genocide, mass deportation, ethnic cleansing, eugenics, euthanasia, forced sterilisations and infanticide. Publicly, he advocates none of them.

Okay, I'll give in and also admit that, as a dedicated Newtonian (I even named my cat after him), I also advocate everyone jumping off of a cliff! But Tom Frame first.

Honestly, how stupid can a person be? There is nothing that is not evolution. You can't "violate" evolution with your socio-political views any more than you can "violate" gravity. Does Frame think that airplane pilots are violating gravity by flying planes? (Sadly, he probably does. He's probably that confused.) If you care for the sick and the weak, you create an environment in which they get better and stronger. Duh. For pity's sake, the Neanderthals cared for and fed their elderly and infirm. Evolution tends toward ecological coexistence and equilibrium, not savagery. (Remember the Galapagos.)

Should beavers also embrace genocide, because after thousands of years of building beaver dams they are incapable of surviving without their structures, and have thus become soft and lazy and "unfit"? Should deer own up to the fact that, well, they've become dependent on their antlers, and are letting into the gene pool "unfit" members would could not have survived without those pointed, technologically advanced weapons? Should bees admit that they've become pansies, toiling on a hive all day instead of being wild and free like the badass, biker drones? I mean, how ridiculous!

If I were to own up to the fact that I do consider some people to be "superior" to others, I think creationists would be surprised to find people with autism spectrum and mental retardation - who are also avid library users - at the top of my hierarchy, and "normal" spoiled brats with fast cars, early acne prevention/nose jobs/breast augmentation, princessy attitudes, spray-on tans, nonexistent belly fat, and daily tantrums due to entitlement syndrome decidedly on my "unfit" list.



(Bwahaha! My one and only car was blue! Of course, it was a 1976 Buick station wagon.)

It's my personal belief that social "Darwinism" sprang up to hold back the implications of evolutionary theory, precisely because it suggested that the poor and the nonwhite had better survival skills than the fragile elite of the Victorian Age, and rich throwaways like our little MacKenzie above. But anyway.

More idiot news: Alan Keyes has a blog. Yes, that Alan Keyes.



*Suppresses major nacho urge*

In fact, Jesus Christ wouldn't even create Barack Obama! Because he's the anti-Christ, you know. *groan*

I'm not linking to Keyes's blaahhhg - you can get there via Ed's site. Just be aware - viewing Alan Keyes' literary glossolalia is painful for more reasons than one. The seizure-inducing colors alone might actually make you want to jump off a cliff.

Dead Bear Cub Covered with Obama Posters

This is cetainly not getting news coverage in the United States.

A dead bear cub draped in Barack Obama posters has been found at the entrance to a university in North Carolina, police said today.

Police and wildlife officials are investigating the incident at the Western Carolina University.

Maintenance workers found the 34kg (75lb) bear cub in front of the administration building at the entrance to the campus.

It had been shot, and Obama posters were stapled together and placed over its head.

"Someone evidently was wanting to draw attention to the election," Tom Johnson, the chief of university police, told the Asheveille Citizen's Times newspaper.

"If we find out who they are, we'll make sure they'll get some attention themselves."

Leila Tvedt, a spokeswoman for the university, said the institution "deplores the inappropriate behaviour that has led to this troubling incident".

"We cannot speculate on the motives of the people involved [oh, really?], nor who those people might be," she added.

"Campus police are cooperating fully with authorities to investigate this matter."

University police asked state wildlife officials to remove the dead cub and help in the investigation.

The bear hunting season in North Carolina began last week.

I can speculate as to the motivation:



The motivation seems pretty clear to me.

Hi, I was just calling to let you all know that Barack Obama needs to get hung. He's a fucking nigger, and he's a piece of shit. You guys are fraudulent, and you need to go to hell. All the niggers on oak trees. They're gonna get all hung honeys, they're gonna get assassinated, they're gonna get killed."

"You liberal idiots. Dumb shits. Welfare bums. You guys just fucking come to our country, consume every natural resource there is, and make a lot of babies. That's all you guys do. And then suck up the welfare and expect everyone else to pay for your hospital bills for your kids. I just say let your kids die. That's the best move. Just let your children die. Forget about paying for hospital bills for them. I'm not gonna do it. You guys are lowlifes. And I hope you all die."

Wow, way to fight eugenics from the "Darwinists," you assholes. Way to fight the next "Holocaust" that a bunch of science teachers are going to foist on our society. Right.

I volunteered for ACORN way back in the 1990s. Do your worst. (Shrug.)

Conservatives for Obama!

Christopher Buckley has endorsed Barack Obama for President, precipitating his resignation from National Review. (I like to call him "William F. Buckley Jr.")

This comes on the heels of Kathleen Parker's commentary calling Sarah Palin "a national embarrassment" and requesting that she step down as a candidate for Veeper for the good of the nation.

Get a load of the hate mail they're getting:

I had gone out of my way in my Beast endorsement to say that I was not doing it in the pages of National Review, where I write the back-page column, because of the experience of my colleague, the lovely Kathleen Parker. Kathleen had written in NRO that she felt Sarah Palin was an embarrassment. (Hardly an alarmist view.) This brought 12,000 livid emails, among them a real charmer suggesting that Kathleen's mother ought to have aborted her and tossed the fetus into a dumpster. I didn't want to put NR in an awkward position.

I just love how the anti-choice crowd invokes the right to choose when it suits them (because they really don't want to lose their annual sob-story emotional blackmail fundraisers, oh excuse me, to end abortion at all).

Christopher, or Bill Buckley Jr. (sorry!), demonstrates the same wit and devil-may-care attitude that made me a longtime reader of a publication with which I had almost no agreement whatsoever.

Since my Obama endorsement, Kathleen and I have become BFFs and now trade incoming hate-mails. No one has yet suggested my dear old Mum should have aborted me, but it's pretty darned angry out there in Right Wing Land. One editor at National Review--a friend of 30 years--emailed me that he thought my opinions "cretinous." One thoughtful correspondent, who feels that I have "betrayed"--the b-word has been much used in all this--my father and the conservative movement generally, said he plans to devote the rest of his life to getting people to cancel their subscriptions to National Review. But there was one bright spot: To those who wrote me to demand, "Cancel my subscription," I was able to quote the title of my father's last book, a delicious compendium of his NR "Notes and Asides": Cancel Your Own Goddam Subscription.

Grab the popcorn. We're going to see a lot of Stalinesque purges of dissenters from the Republican Party. "Expelled," indeed!
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UPDATED: Well, by now you've certainly heard the news.



It's about time someone called the Republibots on this crap.