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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.



Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Are Four Legs Better than Two?

This commentary cracked me up: "Animals make the perfect humans."

In case there are a few on two legs who aren't convinced, allow me to present my case.

Your dog is a great food tester. If she won't eat it, you'd better not either.

No cat snores as loudly as a human.

Your cat, dog, horse or bird doesn't care if you're young or old, rich or poor, fat or thin. She loves you just as you are.

No animal has ever tortured himself by trying to be perfect.

No herd of horses or pack of hounds will ever ask you to clap your hands in unison. Nor will any animal -- even in front of a TV camera -- introduce another as "the lovely and talented ..."

Humans routinely breed past the food supply. Most animals are too smart to do this.

Some animals are monogamous. Some are not. They accept their fundamental natures. When it comes to humans, the kindest way to approach this is to understand that monogamy is contrary to nature but necessary for the greater social good.

Animals do not pay for sex.

Animals cannot damage the water table. Humans are doing this all over the world even as you read this.

No animal is ever a hypocrite.

A cat doesn't care if another cat is black or white, so along as she catches mice.

A dog may steal from you but will never lie to you.

And so on.

With all due respect to the valid points that she makes, she is wrong on a couple of points:

Animals do pay for sex. Many animals exchange gifts of food, for example, for sex. Others just force the female. Nature isn't always pretty.

No animal is a hypocrite? Tell that to my cat. After having a moderate-to-severe urinating problem (he didn't want to go inside the box), we had both of them neutered and I, who had lavished praise on little Newton for any box-doody, began rewarding him with food if he used the box. Well, I'm happy to say that Newton has had a complete attitude change - if anything, he's turned into the happiest little puppy that a cat could be - running at my heels with his face upturned, wagging his tail, and "barking" - but he also learned to scratch in the box whenever he wants a treat (which is constantly now). Actually, random rewards are best - I did try that, but you know how cute they can be when they want something!

What a little shit! Plus, I cannot eat cheerios without both of these characters (they're tuxedo cats, but I think they more resemble killer whales) in my face, running over my feet, jumping on the counter, meowing, etc. These little twinks get breakfast, then also get a taste of my cheerios before I have any breakfast. And since I loathe eating in the morning, cheerios or oatmeal is about all I can stomach. (Yes, they have to lick my oatmeal bowl, too!) I admit it; I let them manipulate me.

Animals aren't "too smart" to overbreed - any animal can and will overbreed. That's why we get our little darlings fixed. (If you own a female cat, you know the routine: "Meeeeoooaauur! I want to have a million kitty-brats!")

Do I need to mention that, even if your dog will eat it, you'd better not? (Cats, too. Loki throws up on the floor, and there's Newton, running over to see what's tasty. He'll even eat his own barf. Eeeaaauuugh!)

But for the most part, this article is true. Animals don't care if you're ugly or pretty, fat or thin. Animals work well with disabled people, and people with autism or brain damage respond positively to them. They love without condition, without reservation; I never felt judged by an animal, or alone in nature. Also, it goes without saying that animals have a sense of humor; every single cat I ever owned sure did. They were all sweeties, and I swear they were laughing at me, and playing tricks on me! Animals are happy "just because," and this year, I resolved to do just that.

One of the reasons we made a social contract with domesticated animals years ago was to "borrow" their power, speed, senses. In return, we feed them, care for them. We have broken this contract. They have not.

Man, that's the truth.



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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Animals Are More Sensitive to These Things

Richard Dawkins shares a funny story with Pharyngula about the inauguration:

Make of this what you will. We were watching the ceremony on BBC TV. Our two little Coton de Tulear dogs, Pamba and Tycho, were being quiet and good. But as soon as Rick Warren came on, they leapt up and started barking. Shoulder to shoulder they stood, and barked and barked and barked their little heads off, directly at the TV screen. As a result, we couldn't hear a word of what Warren said. As soon as Warren stopped speaking, these two splendid little dogs stopped barking, quietly settled down, and we were able to enjoy the rest the inauguration. Afterwards, we drank a grateful toast -- to Pamba and Tycho and President Obama.

I guess animals are just more sensitive to certain things than humans are. When I played Rick Warren's speech on my laptop, our kitties Loki and Newton, who were joyfully (and naughtily) playing with the cord of the blinds, suddenly disappeared from the room. ;-)

Shimmies to Pharyngula and to President Obama

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Thursday, February 14, 2008

It's Valentine's Day


What?

Don't forget to wish JanieBelle a happy birthday, too!

UPDATED: I think someone at You Tube has been playing matchmaker for this lil' baboon lady:



Come to think of it's what's "Peter" Graves doing these days?

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