"I Wish I Had a Stun Gun"
With its usual penchant for hyperbolic understatment, the Star Tribune has entitled this story "Black Friday's thrill ride not for the faint of heart.".
"I don't want anyone pushing or elbowing!" he yelled to a crowd of more than 100 shoppers lined up outside the store's entrance. "I just want everyone here to stay safe."
His plea for polite behavior was forgotten minutes later, when the doors swung open and a crush of people descended on a cart piled high with 19-inch flat-panel TVs, priced at $179 each. "Get out of the way!" yelled one woman, her cart already stuffed with two TVs and a DVD player. "God, I wish I had a stun gun," one shopper said as he maneuvered his cart through the crowd.
Though unsettling to some [emphasis mine], the morning mayhem suggests a strong start to the holiday shopping season.
"Unsettling to some"? I am fucking terrified of anybody who appeals to God to give him a stun gun just before Christmas. And do I strike anybody as "faint of heart"?
Yeah, actually I am. I'm faint-hearted when it comes to stun guns. (The cops killed this kid, too. He was obviously mentally ill and not hurting anybody.)
Shimmies to Pharyngula and Rev. BigDumbChimp.
"I don't want anyone pushing or elbowing!" he yelled to a crowd of more than 100 shoppers lined up outside the store's entrance. "I just want everyone here to stay safe."
His plea for polite behavior was forgotten minutes later, when the doors swung open and a crush of people descended on a cart piled high with 19-inch flat-panel TVs, priced at $179 each. "Get out of the way!" yelled one woman, her cart already stuffed with two TVs and a DVD player. "God, I wish I had a stun gun," one shopper said as he maneuvered his cart through the crowd.
Though unsettling to some [emphasis mine], the morning mayhem suggests a strong start to the holiday shopping season.
"Unsettling to some"? I am fucking terrified of anybody who appeals to God to give him a stun gun just before Christmas. And do I strike anybody as "faint of heart"?
Yeah, actually I am. I'm faint-hearted when it comes to stun guns. (The cops killed this kid, too. He was obviously mentally ill and not hurting anybody.)
Shimmies to Pharyngula and Rev. BigDumbChimp.
posted by Kristine | Sunday, November 26, 2006
13 Comments:
Silly boy. Shouldn't he be praying to Santa?
(confirmation word unsettlingly close to kkk nazis)
I don't want to think about how Santa motivates his elves! (Santa is a union-buster, you know.)
Fortunately, the confirmation word was by chance--not design.
Well he brought me a new riding crop, if that's any indication.
And he's well aware that I don't really ride horses anymore, for what it's worth.
Thank you Santa.
Hey, how come you get to have Christmas early?!
Santa! You already know my wish! Fickle old man.
Oh, poor Santa. He's a Darwinist.
(I must admit that this creeped me out, rather; at first I thought it was supposed to behumorous, but I think Dembski is serious.)
Alas that was probably for Santa's benefit as much as yours. After all, 'he sees you when you're sleeping'.
If Santa is a Darwinist does that mean his elves are actually PYGMIES + DWARFS? (now I feel dirty)
If Santa is a Darwinist does that mean his elves are actually PYGMIES + DWARFS?
Bwahahahaha! I didn't see that one coming! Good show.
Oh, I've caught Santa watching me when I'm in bed. I kinda like that.
It's not a great leap to assume he watches me when I'm sleeping, too.
;)
Isn't "The Vice Strategy" the post for which Dumbski owes somebody scotch?
Nope! It was a bet that if ID ever went to trial over inclusion in school curricula it would pass all Constitutional hurdles.
Actually, I owe Dembski a photo, but while I did indeed dress up as the Black Dahlia, I couldn't find a vise.
I did have an orange juice squeezer, but decided that that looked silly.
JanieBelle, are you sure that your puppy ain't watching (see the last two slides)?
HAHAHAHA!
That's way tooo funny.
Alas, poor Shakespeare. He's still teething, which means chewing, which means he spends the night in the bathroom.
I'll have to inspect the ceiling for holes now, though.
:)
(Hey, that ceiling fixture looks kinda funny.... lightbulb...is that..a.....
WEBCAM?
At least I know where my cats are at night.
Tromping up and down my face, as usual...
Post a Comment
<< Home