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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

"I Wish I Had a Stun Gun"

With its usual penchant for hyperbolic understatment, the Star Tribune has entitled this story "Black Friday's thrill ride not for the faint of heart.".

"I don't want anyone pushing or elbowing!" he yelled to a crowd of more than 100 shoppers lined up outside the store's entrance. "I just want everyone here to stay safe."

His plea for polite behavior was forgotten minutes later, when the doors swung open and a crush of people descended on a cart piled high with 19-inch flat-panel TVs, priced at $179 each. "Get out of the way!" yelled one woman, her cart already stuffed with two TVs and a DVD player. "God, I wish I had a stun gun," one shopper said as he maneuvered his cart through the crowd.

Though unsettling to some [emphasis mine], the morning mayhem suggests a strong start to the holiday shopping season.

"Unsettling to some"? I am fucking terrified of anybody who appeals to God to give him a stun gun just before Christmas. And do I strike anybody as "faint of heart"?

Yeah, actually I am. I'm faint-hearted when it comes to stun guns. (The cops killed this kid, too. He was obviously mentally ill and not hurting anybody.)

Shimmies to Pharyngula and Rev. BigDumbChimp.


Anonymous Aesmael said...

Silly boy. Shouldn't he be praying to Santa?

(confirmation word unsettlingly close to kkk nazis)

November 27, 2006 7:26 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

I don't want to think about how Santa motivates his elves! (Santa is a union-buster, you know.)

Fortunately, the confirmation word was by chance--not design.

November 27, 2006 8:50 PM  
Blogger JanieBelle said...

Well he brought me a new riding crop, if that's any indication.

And he's well aware that I don't really ride horses anymore, for what it's worth.

Thank you Santa.

November 28, 2006 12:51 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Hey, how come you get to have Christmas early?!

Santa! You already know my wish! Fickle old man.

November 28, 2006 1:05 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Oh, poor Santa. He's a Darwinist.

(I must admit that this creeped me out, rather; at first I thought it was supposed to behumorous, but I think Dembski is serious.)

November 28, 2006 9:58 PM  
Anonymous Aesmael said...

Alas that was probably for Santa's benefit as much as yours. After all, 'he sees you when you're sleeping'.

If Santa is a Darwinist does that mean his elves are actually PYGMIES + DWARFS? (now I feel dirty)

November 28, 2006 11:05 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

If Santa is a Darwinist does that mean his elves are actually PYGMIES + DWARFS?

Bwahahahaha! I didn't see that one coming! Good show.

November 28, 2006 11:30 PM  
Blogger JanieBelle said...

Oh, I've caught Santa watching me when I'm in bed. I kinda like that.

It's not a great leap to assume he watches me when I'm sleeping, too.


November 29, 2006 11:10 AM  
Blogger PiGuy said...

Isn't "The Vice Strategy" the post for which Dumbski owes somebody scotch?

November 29, 2006 8:17 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Nope! It was a bet that if ID ever went to trial over inclusion in school curricula it would pass all Constitutional hurdles.

Actually, I owe Dembski a photo, but while I did indeed dress up as the Black Dahlia, I couldn't find a vise.

I did have an orange juice squeezer, but decided that that looked silly.

November 29, 2006 11:06 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

JanieBelle, are you sure that your puppy ain't watching (see the last two slides)?

November 29, 2006 11:15 PM  
Blogger JanieBelle said...


That's way tooo funny.

Alas, poor Shakespeare. He's still teething, which means chewing, which means he spends the night in the bathroom.

I'll have to inspect the ceiling for holes now, though.


(Hey, that ceiling fixture looks kinda funny.... that..a.....


November 30, 2006 5:27 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

At least I know where my cats are at night.

Tromping up and down my face, as usual...

November 30, 2006 4:08 PM  

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