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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I'm A Weirdo!

Citizen of the Month asks:

Why do women feel so comfortable teaming up together, while men like to go it alone (or at least fake that they do)? ...

Is it because “Every day is Men’s Day” in this “patriarchal society” and men don’t need to join together — or are men just uncomfortable with each other and fear looking unmanly? Is it any wonder that women can talk for hours together, complimenting each other on their shoes, hair, and bodies, while men are more comfortable talking with their penises than talking with other men?

It may be the case that there are certain statistical differences between men and women that justify generalizations, but they don't apply specifically to me. Garrison Keillor once said that "women cannot be loners" but he is full of crap. I'm a loner.

I prefer to read at lunch, rather than chat with the chicks. If I do chat, it's about heavy stuff--politics, etc. I stink at small talk although I'm deliberately trying to improve. (And it doesn't help that so many women spend their time griping about their guys. Sorry, but I came from a blue-collar background where men didn't help without housework and I'm surprised to hear from middle-class educated feminists that their husbands can't pick up their own socks. Couldn't they have held out for someone who shares the housework? I did!)

I like men. I'm much more comfortable around them than some women. I have a lot of female friends but there's one type of woman I tend to be a victim of, and that's the controlling, back-biting, perfectionist, princess type. (In other words, I cannot stand "Bridezillas," and "Daddy's Little Girl" makes my stomach lurch.)

I take mass transit at night all the time and I've seen just about everything, but I still can't get the hang of "working a room." I've never dreamed of my wedding day. I loathe curling irons.

I prefer to solve problems rather than complain. I keep a lot of things to myself and let it hang out here. (And how many of the visitors to my blog are men, and how many are women?)

I hate to shop. I went a full year without shopping for clothes without even thinking about it. It's been almost two years since I bought a piece of jewelry. (But have I loaded up on books that I haven't even read yet? You betcha! Where they chick-lit? No.) I forget to wear my jewelry too.

So I guess my point here is that I don't think men should beat themselves up for not living up to a stereotype that women (or at least women like me) don't live up to.

(Hip-bump to Citizen again)


Anonymous Neil said...

There are even some men who know when they've lost an argument to a woman and just say, "you're right." Everyone is an individual, not a gender.

November 20, 2006 2:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are not alone.

Years ago I dated a woman that didn't enjoy the company of women either. She was attractive, energetic, didn't want kids or marriage, blue collar family - but she always had several boyfriends. She liked to be with men. I was surprised to learn that she got married a few months ago to her co-habitant boyfriend. To my surprise, after 10 years of not seeing each other, she stopped by after she heard I might be leaving town.

I guess I wouldn't be so thrilled if my newly married wife said she was going to visit an old boyfriend for a little while. I really wonder how well she will adjust to marriage. Only time will tell.

Life can be so wierd.

November 20, 2006 9:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Perhaps this was not such a great comparison, since I now notice you mentioned that you do have lots of female friends. "L" didn't have any female friends to speak of.

November 20, 2006 9:15 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Right on, Neil. There are also some women who cannot say “you’re right,” not even to another woman! I have a co-worker like that. Nothing is ever her fault. Even after she blames me for something that turned out not to be my fault she has never apologized. When she makes a mistake, she says “A mistake was made,” thus implying that it is, once again, her Admin. Assistant’s fault. She is younger than me and it just burns me.

Rev. Bark, I’m sure your friend will ajust to marriage just fine. Her situation sounds like mine except for the ceremony itself. I’m as faithful as a rock despite having a bunch of male friends and picking on Dembski all the time (unless you take that “look with lust” biblical passage literally, which I certainly don’t).

We hung out with one of John’s ex-girlfriends when we were in Montana. (Kind of unavoidable when you’re in Butte, Montana.) John was a little concerned that I would be weirded by it but I wasn’t at all. She’s really cool.

November 20, 2006 9:17 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Ha! Overlapping posts! ;-)

November 20, 2006 9:18 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

I don't really fit the stereotypes, either. I love to shop (for clothes, even!) and cook, although I do go to restaurants by myself so I can read while I eat. I roomed with the same guy all through college and was best man at his wedding, so as you might expect, we've done a lot of talking over the years (hard to imagine he's been my best friend for over a decade, now). Every time I'm in Memphis or they come down to Austin, there's a constant stream of jibber-jabber coming out of our mouths.

Of course, I love video games and I'm obsessed with sports. So take that for what it's worth.

Anyway, I hope to have a big announcement this afternoon or later tonight, so keep your eyes peeled!

November 20, 2006 11:12 AM  
Blogger PiGuy said...

I'm not a big fan of generalizing by just about any criteria.

As for male/female stuff, I do laundry and spend a lot of time with my kids (Mrs. Pi works part-time evenings and weekends mostly) and, having two daughters, I've spent more time feeding baby dolls or having my hair fixed than I have playing catch. I much prefer talking politics but am not so swell at small talk. I like reading but not shopping. I'm into watching and playing sports and doing geeky, techno stuff but still tear up at the end of Old Yeller.

I'm so confused...

November 20, 2006 2:06 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

I hope to have a big announcement this afternoon or later tonight, so keep your eyes peeled!

Hey! Better apartment news I hope?

PiGuy you are not confused. You are just crazy. ;-)

November 20, 2006 2:32 PM  
Blogger Kristjan Wager said...

I'd say that anyone who can't handle that their partner go visit a former boy-/girlfriend (or get visited by them) have some issues with trust that tehy should probably work out before getting married.

November 20, 2006 3:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I read the post and I felt that you could be like "my best friend". You certainly described yourself as atypical for a "normal" woman of our time.

What do you think about a guy that enjoys being surrounded by women, however, does not like other guys' company besides the "best friend's' company. Could there be an evolutionary explanation?

November 20, 2006 7:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

kristjan, oh if life were so easy.

Forgive me if I find your comment somewhat naive if not uninspired.

Love can make you want to trust implicitly where there exists little trust.

Relationships are always in motion.

Everyone has secrets.

Everyone has weakness.

Aparagus is the worst tasting vegetable on the planet.

November 20, 2006 9:05 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Hey, I love aparagus. And it's phallic, according to my Wicca friends.

Everyone has secrets.

I seem to be losing mine at a high rate of speed.

Marco, I suspect that female sexual selection plays a bigger role than people give it credit for and who knows, maybe that's the reason!

November 20, 2006 9:15 PM  
Anonymous Joshua said...

This kind of gender common knowledge is about as accurate as political common knowledge -- i.e., not at all, because it's just made up on the spot anyway. Or what neil said, that's also true.

There are more exceptions out there than people who fit the rules.

November 21, 2006 7:06 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

So why do we have these “rules”?

November 21, 2006 3:01 PM  
Blogger JanieBelle said...

So girls like me can have fun breaking them, of course!


November 21, 2006 5:42 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Ah HA!

Of course!

And me. Natch.

November 21, 2006 11:33 PM  
Blogger JanieBelle said...


November 22, 2006 9:24 AM  

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