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Amused Muse

Inspiring dissent and debate and the love of dissonance

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Location: Surreality, Have Fun Will Travel, Past Midnight before a Workday

Master's Degree holder, telecommuting from the hot tub, proud Darwinian Dawkobot, and pirate librarian belly-dancer bohemian secret agent scribe on a mission to rescue bloggers from the wholesome clutches of the pious backstabbing girl fridays of the world.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Global Orgasm Festivities

(Veil drop to Orac and Pharyngula)

Here comes Santa Claus, Here comes Santa
in the legal, matrimonial way!
He's breakin' the bed,
she's wakin' the dead,
it's Christmas every day!
Bells are ringing, springs are singing,
things are merry and bright,
choirs are belting, North Pole's melting,
Santa Claus came last night!

Okay, I anticipate that this post is going to generate a lot of excitement but let me preface this by saying that this is meant as healthy, wholesome fun with a consenting partner. This information is meant for anybody. It can be done in the context of the most conservative view of marriage if that's your chosen lifestyle, or it can be done between total (consenting) strangers. I don't care.

People have a right to enjoy their own bodies, and that includes married couples who remained abstinent until their wedding night. All right, end of lecture. Let's move on to


This is one method of getting around the bugabear of him wearing out before she does. There are several ways to achieve this but one way is to firmly (but gently) grasp and pinch the penis just beneath the head as he feels close to orgasm. Another method depends more upon him; it can involve holding his breath, but it definitely involves him squeezing his pubococcygeal (PC) muscle, commonly known as the muscle that stops the flow during urination.

Whichever way this is done (and it does require some practice and patience), the point is to cut off stimulation before the therwise inevitable rollover into ejaculation. A man's experience of this kind of orgasm varies among individuals (I'm told). However it is done, it is possible for him to experience a number of these before finally ejaculating if he wishes to.

Okay, this is basic information. I promised that I would post other wonderful non-impregnating delights but it's dinnertime. A bientot!
I'm back. Now, you guys can think of other things to do that don't necessarily lead to pregnancy, right?
There's oral sex,
mutual massage,
tantric sex (the so-called "dry orgasm" described above is part of this),
and plain old, good old, birth control.

At any rate, I think the global orgasm is a grand idea (no matter how woo the philosophy behind it). And now, I'd like to close with a link to one of my favorite films of all time (unfortunately not showing on the web at present), We're Talking Vulva. (Also check out the Guy Maddin links; he's one of my favorite directors!)


During their sexual researches the surrealists went around the room and answered the same question. One of these questions was, What do you say at the moment of orgasm?

Pierre Unik: The most I have ever said was, "Ha!"
Simone Vion: I don't say anything.
Raymond Michelet: Nor I.
Andre Breton: Nothing.
Andre Thirion: I think I once said, "Darling."
Humm: [Complete silence]
Victor Meyer: Nothing.
Pierre Blum: With someone I love, "Darling," otherwise nothing.
Madame Lena: Generally I say, "Fernande" (that's my sister), or "Denis" (he's a doctor I am in love with but I have never slept with him), or "Pierre."
Schnitzler: Nothing.
Schwartz: "I love you (a.i.o....)" [The record does not indicate the meaning of this.]
Albert Valentin: "Slut," "Scum," "Tart," etc.
Paul Eluard: I never stop talking.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, r we talkin' circumcised or non-circumcised?

November 20, 2006 9:11 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Does it matter?

I don't know everything!

November 20, 2006 9:21 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Now you've piqued my curiosity!

November 20, 2006 9:37 PM  
Anonymous Azkyroth said...

Heh. On the "what do you say at the moment of orgasm," I've never heard (or uttered) an "oh god I'm coming" (with or without 5x more vowels and all caps). My observation is that orgasm tends to consist of rapid gasps or, with a partner, incoherent whimper-moan-hybrid noises. The most memorable response I've heard, though, is from a friend who relayed a comment from her fiance that the noises she makes at orgasm are best rendered by a line consisting of about 100-150 characters chosen randomly from a set of of "g", "h", "k", and "n", slightly biased towards the last entry.

November 21, 2006 2:31 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

I’m waiting for someone to comment that they emit prime numbers at orgasm.

November 21, 2006 9:02 AM  
Blogger Dan said...

Prime numbers are boring. Be more creative.

November 21, 2006 10:52 AM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Well, we all know who I’m talking about, right?

"A sequence of bits representing, say, a progression of prime numbers will be both complex and specified."

November 21, 2006 11:12 AM  
Anonymous AJ Milne said...

... Be more creative.

Integer solutions for elliptic curves... over prime fields.

November 21, 2006 12:07 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

elliptic curves

Now we're talking!

November 21, 2006 12:17 PM  
Anonymous llewelly said...

The section of the urethra immediately behind the glans is vulnerable to pressure.
The pressure to ejaculate is highly dependent on the timing of the cessation of sensation.
If the pinch-behind-the head method is used, a small timing error (I estimate less than 0.5s for me personally) can result in a great deal of pressure to the section of urethra behind the glans, which can sometimes result in a VERY PAINFUL EXPERIENCE.
Clenching the pubococcygeal muscle requires acting a bit eariler, and more practice, but as far as I know it carries no similar risk.

November 21, 2006 6:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What about the Fibonacci Sequence?

November 21, 2006 9:25 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...

Way to make me nervous, llewelly.

Marco, the Fibonacci what? What is that?

November 21, 2006 11:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55....

November 22, 2006 7:51 PM  
Blogger Kristine said...


I suppose someday someone will recite the longest Dewey Decimal Classification number in the world.

Don't look at me!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

November 22, 2006 9:09 PM  

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